i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
