I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
