Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
