Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
