He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
