i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He has the fingertips of a God
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