I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
