I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
