Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
