Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
