Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
