Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
