come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's just like the Real World with babies
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
