then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
