This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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