i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
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My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
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You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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