I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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