I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
