I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
