I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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