I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
