9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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