i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
