Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Randomize
