I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
