the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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