You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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