I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize