is your mom at the bar?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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