Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
