his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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