I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
only you would photoshop your dick
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
