So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
