The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
