yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
