Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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