Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
