I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
