i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
