will power is for people who don't want to get laid
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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