My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
