I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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