We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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