The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
