I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
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tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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