Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dicks are not precious.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
