she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
