it was like his penis was on wheels.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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