Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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