we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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