I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
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