dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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