you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
