I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
