my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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