mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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