Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize
