Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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