those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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