no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize