just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize